Learning to Relax at a Time Like This
When we hear the diagnosis or diagnoses (or whatever devastating news that changes the life we know into something totally new) our mind begins to spin out of control.
It's as if a floodgate bursts, sweeping through our soul, drowning us with fear, guilt, anger, anxiety, sadness...
We're less likely to drown in those gushing out of control waters, when we relax and ride out the waters.
A year or so ago, my dad and his friend (two old guys) took Brendon rafting down the Black River. Just a few days prior there were storms.
The water level had risen and the river was rough. (In hindsight they probably should not have gone, but these two old guys, having been on the river countless times over the past 40 years, didn't think anything of it.)
My dad, in front of the eyes of my son, got knocked off the raft, by the branch of an overturned tree. He was immediately pulled under the water and into brush under the overturned tree.
Brendon panicked, and it took everything my dad's friend could do to keep him from getting swept under.
In the meantime, my dad was stuck. He struggled to break free. He grew tired and weak. He couldn't fight any longer.
Dad explained he figured this was how he was going to die.
At that point when he quit fighting, all the while he was holding on to an oar. When he let go of the oar and his body relaxed he broke free from the brush and the current holding him under water. It was then that dad rose to the surface and was able to pull himself to safety.
I'm not saying we shouldn't fight, when the fight is necessary. But to fight against something you cannot control, you let it get ahold of you. You let it pull you under and pull the life out of you.
In regards to Brendon's stroke, there was never any way way I could turn back time and change Brendon's stroke. There was no way that I could make his body be what I dreamed a newborn baby, my newborn baby, was supposed to be - 10 fingers, 10 toes and a fresh start at a new body, fully functioning, a brain fully functioning, no injuries, no defects...
There was nothing I did to create this stroke and the long term neurological deficits.
With this, what I can do is relax and follow the direction of what it is I am supposed to be doing, not trying to control something I have absolutely no control over.
It is when I relaxed that my mind was able to hear the answers, to follow the path we are supposed to follow, to teach and empower my son, myself, my family, doctors...and anyone else who will listen.
Yes, I get upset. Downright overtaken with sadness, at times. I allow myself only so much time to be down before I make myself get back up again. I save the fight for when the fight is necessary and relax, build up strength, have a clear mind for those decisions that we are faced with making.
Sending you all love, as you read this. Wishing you a bright light of guidance and peace.